For the majority of my life, I struggled to express my love. Being that love is only a feeling, it can be challenging to tap into and understand fully what it means to love someone deeply. There are many researchers who have been able to identify how people can learn more about separating thoughts and feelings. However, the simple act of acknowledging a feeling takes tremendous courage. What happens if you express your feelings for someone and they don’t appreciate it or it’s not well received?
You may be vulnerable to rejection or embarassment and that is very painful (But continue to feel and love anyway).
Love is just a feeling but the feelings of fear, anxiety, and trust that come with love can make individuals doubt their abilities to love. I have so much respect for the researchers that have studied and written literature on navigating these feelings. I also know this shit is way harder than they make it seem. So, do not worry if you still don’t know how to express your feelings appropriately! We’re all practicing together.
First, I will give you some insights that have been helpful for me, and I’ll give examples of times I was able to express not only my love, but managing my anger as well. (Because like I mentioned in my last post, I was previously very angry)
The idea that love is just a feeling can be planted in your brain and repeatedly considered. So, when you are at the grocery store and another individual is aimlessly strolling the isle at their own leisure, you can show them love by being patient, and you can calm your anger by choosing to trust their purpose for taking their time. Simple right? (HA sikeee) Most times when someone we don’t know anything about is going slower than our expected pace, we express anger because, let’s be real, don’t people have places to be? When this happens, you may feel your nostrils flair, your hands grip tighter, or your eyes squint. Since this example is quite challenging and takes months of practice to overcome, I’ll be kind and provide an additional example. How about when you are driving and someone cuts you off? In a split second, you are flooded with emotions. Your body naturally tells you how inconsiderate that was. So, how can you choose to respond logically? I try to tell myself that the person may have an emergency (pregnant wife in the hospital or maybe even rushing to the nearest facility to poop). I’ve gotten pulled over for that second one so I know it’s a legit emergency sometimes. So, practice trusting people have legitimate reasons for their actions and choose to think logically in those scenarios rather than emotionally.
As a woman, I was challenged to learn everything but my own emotions. I guess when no one really understood emotional responses, it was difficult to teach. Let alone to learn as an adult, or even learn how men manage their feelings. I say men because I always thought men didn’t know how to express their love, but I was wrong. Men know exactly how to manage their feelings (not all men lol I’m not that naive). Either way, trusting someone with your feelings is an astronomical task. So take it slow, challenge yourself to love unconditionally. Who you choose to spend your time with, doing what you love to do, sharing your deepest fears, understanding the other persons perspective, and feeling comforted by someone is true everlasting love. You can express love with every person you encounter but you can also share intimate love with your chosen partner. There are different ways to express your love. You just have to separate feelings from thoughts. Simple.
(ps we are all human. If you respond to an incident based on emotion, it’s okay, because you can acknowledge it, learn from it, and choose to try again next time)
Love, Natalie.